Bret Hollander

It’s winter in Maryland
And the gentle breezes blow
Seventy miles an hour
At five below.
Oh, how I love Maryland
When the snow’s up to your butt
You take a breath of winter
And your nose gets frozen shut.
Yes,
The weather here is wonderful
So I guess I’ll hang around
I could never leave Maryland
Cuz I’m frozen to the ground!

Movies watched in 2010 via Redbox, Netflix, or the Movie Theatre. I’ve opted to omit those from Cable TV like TBS, TCM, AMC, FOX, BET, ABC, NBC, CBS, USA, TNT, and FX.

16 Wishes
Across the Line
After.Life
Alice in Wonderland
Amelia
Animals
Archangel
Arn: The Knight Templar
Astro Boy
Autumn
Avalon High
Bad Lieutenant: Port Of Call New Orleans
Barry Munday
Big Fan
Birthday Girl
Blood Creek
Breaking Point
Brooklyn’s Finest
Casualties of War
Caught In The Crossfire
Centurion
Chloe
Chocolate
Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant
City Island
Clash of the Gods
Clash of the Titans
Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs
Coco Before Chanel
Command Performance
Crazy Heart
Crusade: A March Through Time
Daybreakers
Dear John
Death at a Funeral
Defendor
Diary of a Wimpy Kid
Dolan’s Cadillac
Dragon Hunters
Easy A
Echelon Conspiracy Rental
Edge of Darkness
Enemies Among Us
Entre Nos
Escape to Witch Mountain
Extraordinary Measures
Face/Off (RR)
Fireball
Flipped
From Paris with Love
Gabriel
Gamer
Good Hair
Green Zone
Grown Ups
Hawaii, Oslo
Hogfather
Hot Tub Time Machine
How to Train Your Dragon
Ice Age 3: Dawn of the Dinosaurs
If You Are the One 2 (Fei Cheng Wu Rao II)
Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus
In the Dust of the Stars
Invictus
Iron Man 2
It’s Complicated
Jack And The Beanstalk
Jesse Stone: No Remorse
Jonah Hex
Journey to Promethea
Kick-Ass
Knucklehead
Leap Year
Legend of the Tsunami Warrior
Legendary
Lost in Siberia
Lottery Ticket
Lust, Caution
MacGruber
Me and Orson Welles
Men Who Stare At Goats
Moon
Mystery Team
Nanny McPhee
Oldboy
Operation: Endgame
Pandorum
Paranormal Activity
Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief
Planet 51
Precious
Predators
Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time
Princess And The Frog
Rain Fall
Ramona and Beezus
Red Cliff
Repo Men
Restrepo
Robin Hood
Saint John Of Las Vegas
Salt
Santa Baby
Scott Pilgrim vs. The World
Seventh Moon
She’s Out of My League
Sherlock Holmes
Shrek Forever After
Shutter Island
Skinwalkers
Solitary Man
Somers Town
Starquest: The Odyssey
Staten Island
Stone of Destiny
Surrogates
The Blind Side
The Book of Eli
The Bounty Hunter
The Box (2009)
The Burrowers
The Expendables
The Extra Man
The Fourth Kind
The Ghost Writer
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
The Grocer’s Son
The Hangover
The Hurt Locker
The Informant!
The Karate Kid (2010)
The Last Airbender
The Lawnmower Man
The Lost Tribe
The Messenger
The Missing Lynx
The New Daughter
The Other Guys
The Prophet
The Red Baron
The Road
The Secret of Moonacre
The Seventh Sign
The Slammin Salmon
The Sorcerer’s Apprentice
The Stranger
The Ten
The Time Traveler’s Wife
The Trial
The Twilight Saga: New Moon
The Twilight Samurai
The Warlords
The White Ribbon
The Young Victoria
To Save a Life
Tooth Fairy
Toy Story 3
True Grit (2010)
Under the Mountain
Under the Sea (IMAX)
Undercover Wife
Unthinkable
Untold Scandal
Up in the Air
Valhalla Rising
When in Rome
Where the Wild Things Are
Yesterday
Youth in Revolt

1. Thou shalt always wear CLEAN UNDERWEAR, in case thou art in an ACCIDENT.
2. Thou shalt telleth SECRET TALES of thy youth, for verily thy parents are better off in DENIAL.
3. Thou shalt not destroy NAKED BABY PICTURES of thyself.
4. Thou shalt REMEMBER thy parents’ birthdays.
5. Thou shalt not maketh the “CUCKOO” sign no holdeth the phone away from thine ear and thinketh “BLAH, BLAH, BLAH” while thou doth converse with thy parent.
6. Thou shalt not sell thy GIFT SWEATERS in sales of RUMMAGE, nor use them as OIL RAGS in thy garage.
7. Thou shall WRITE or CALL home or DROP BY so thou mayest keep parents in the loop.
8. Thou shalt not mocketh thy relatives, calling them neither “DEADBEATS” nor “PINHEADS”.
9. Thou shalt not avoid FAMILY REUNIONS by offering such false excuses as “FISHING” or “WASHING THY CAR.”
10. On thy birthday, thou shalt CELEBRATE thyself mightily, for verily thou art a GOOD GUY who DESERVETH a DAY OFF from, yea, these many COMMANDMENTS!

We all think eating fruits means just buying fruits, cutting and just popping them into our mouth. It’s not as easy as you think. It’s important to know how and when to eat.

What is the correct way of eating fruits?

It means not eating fruits after your meals! Fruits should be eaten on an empty stomach.

If you eat fruit like that, it will play a major role to detoxify your system, supplying you with a great deal of energy for weight loss and other life activities.

Fruit is the most important food. Let’s say you eat two slices of bread and then a slice of fruit. The slice of fruit is ready to go straight through the stomach into the intestines, but it is prevented from doing so.

In the meantime the whole meal rots and ferments and turns to acid. The minute the fruit comes into contact with the food in the stomach and digestive juices, the entire mass of food begins to spoil.

Eat your fruits on an empty stomach or before your meals. You have heard people complaining – every time I eat watermelon I burp, when I eat durian my stomach bloats up, when I eat a banana I feel like running to the toilet, etc. Actually all this will not arise if you eat the fruit on an empty stomach. The fruit mixes with the putrefying other food and produces gas and hence you will bloat!

Graying hair, balding, nervous outburst, and dark circles under the eyes all these will not happen if you take fruits on an empty stomach.

There is no such thing as some fruits, like orange and lemon are acidic, because all fruits become alkaline in our body. If you have mastered the correct way of eating fruits, you have the Secret of beauty, longevity, health, energy, happiness and normal weight.

When you need to drink fruit juice – drink only fresh fruit juice, not from the cans. Don’t even drink juice that has been heated up. Don’t eat cooked fruits because you don’t get the nutrients at all. You only get to taste. Cooking destroys all the vitamins.

But eating a whole fruit is better than drinking the juice. If you should drink the juice, drink it mouthful by mouthful slowly, because you must let it mix with your saliva before swallowing it. You can go on a 3-day fruit fast to cleanse your body. Just eat fruits and drink fruit juice throughout the 3 days and you will be surprised when your friends tell you how radiant you look!

KIWI: Tiny but mighty. This is a good source of potassium, magnesium, vitamin E and fiber. Its vitamin C content is twice that of an orange.

APPLE: An apple a day keeps the doctor away although an apple has low vitamin C content, it has antioxidants and flavonoids which enhances the activity of vitamin C thereby helping to lower the risks of colon cancer, heart attack and stroke.

STRAWBERRY: Protective Fruit. Strawberries have the highest total antioxidant power among major fruits and protect the body from cancer-causing, blood vessel-clogging free radicals.

ORANGE: Sweetest medicine. Taking 2-4 oranges a day may help keep colds away, lower cholesterol, prevent and dissolve kidney stones as well as lessens the risk of colon cancer.

WATERMELON: Coolest thirst quencher. Composed of 92% water, it is also packed with a giant dose of glutathione, which helps boost our immune system. They are also a key source of lycopene – the cancer fighting oxidant. Other nutrients found in watermelon are vitamin C and potassium.

GUAVA and PAPAYA: Top awards for vitamin C. They are the clear winners for their high vitamin C content. Guava is also rich in fiber, which helps prevent constipation. Papaya is rich in carotene; this is good for your eyes.

Drinking cold water after a meal is highly discouraged. It’s nice to have a cup of cold drink after a meal. However, the cold water will solidify the oily stuff that you have just consumed. It will slow down the digestion. Once this ‘sludge’ reacts with the acid, it will break down and be absorbed by the intestine faster than the solid food. It will line the intestine. Very soon, this will turn into fats and lead to cancer. It is best to drink hot soup or warm water after a meal.

A serious note about heart attacks People should know that not every heart attack symptom is going to be the left arm hurting. Be aware of intense pain in the jaw line. You may never have the first chest pain during the course of a heart attack. Nausea and intense sweating are also common symptoms. Sixty percent of people who have a heart attack while they are asleep do not wake up. Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound sleep. Be careful and be aware. The more you know the better chance you could survive.

This is the new TSA check-in procedure developed in response to the latest attempted airplane bombing on Northwest flight 253 on Christmas day as it was approaching Detroit from Amsterdam. Definitely puts the fun back in flying.

Most companies try not to let their restaurant recipes get into the hands of the general public. Few companies go through as much as Kentucky Fried Chicken to keep their recipes secret. The original recipe developed by Col. Sanders is now kept in a vault in their headquarters. Its guarded 24 hours a day and only 2 people in the company know the complete recipe.

Because of the secrecy of KFC’s Original Recipe, nobody can honestly claim to know they can make this at home. But, I can get you extremely close. So close, few will be able to tell the difference between your recipe and that of the Colonels. This is the recipe that gets you closer than all the rest. Remember, one of the secrets Colonel Sanders had been his pressure fryer cooking method. This locks in juices and cooks the chicken in less time, keeping it moist and less greasy.

Ingredients

- 2 envelopes dry tomato soup mix (Lipton cup-o-soup works perfect)
- 2 envelopes Italian dressing mix
- 1 tablespoon paprika
- 2 teaspoons dried chervil (it’s a lot like parsley, but don’t try to substitute)
- 1 teaspoon seasoned salt
- 1 teaspoon instant chicken bouillon powder
- 1 teaspoon dried parsley
- 1 teaspoon tarragon
- 1/2 teaspoon sage
- 1/4 teaspoon pepper
- 3 cups pancake mix, (Bisquick works well)
- 3 cups buttermilk (enough to soak the chicken)
- 4 cups oil (southerners love using lard but you may want to substitute)

Directions

1. Blend all of the dry ingredients for the coating in a blender.
2. Soak the chicken pieces in buttermilk for at least one hour in the refrigerator.
3. Remove chicken from buttermilk and roll in the chicken coating mixture above.
4. Let chicken sit at room temperature while waiting for the oil to get hot.
5. Use a pressure fryer if possible for the most authentic copy of the original KFC recipe. If that is not possible, use a cast iron skillet. Do not crowd the chicken when placing into the skillet.
6. Brown the chicken in the skillet on high heat. Then turn down the heat and cover the pan. Cook until the fried chicken is done, about 30 minutes.
7. During the last 5 or 10 minutes, uncover the pan and turn up the heat. This will crisp up the fried chicken. Be careful not to burn the chicken during this last step.
8. Remove the fried chicken and drain on paper towels. Serve hot.

If you’re not convinced that the recipe above tastes just like what you bought at a local KFC, try this alternate version. Between these two, you should either expect to save a fortune from buying the KFC brand, or launch your own copycat franchise.

Ingredients

- 2 eggs, beaten
- 1 1/2 cups milk
- 1 cup flour
- 3/4 cup fine bread crumbs
- 1 tsp. Knorr chicken bouillon
- 1/2 tsp. salt
- 1/2 tsp. garlic powder (not salt)
- 1/4 tsp. onion powder (not salt)
- 1/2 tsp. paprika
- 1/3 tsp. Bell Seasoning
- 1 tbsp. freshly chopped parsley
- 2 large cloves garlic, minced
- 1/2 tsp. soy sauce
- 2 tsp. black pepper
- 1 tbsp. Wondra flour
- 1/2 tsp. Monosodium Glutamate (optional)
- additional flour for separate pre-coating
- 5-6 cups Crisco cooking oil
- 1 frying chicken, cut in pieces

Directions

1. Pour the oil into the pressure fryer or deep pan suitable for frying, and then heat over medium heat to about 360 degrees.
2. In a small bowl beat the egg, milk, and soy sauce, then stir in 1/2 tsp. Knorr chicken bouillon (save the other 1/2.. Put the garlic cloves through a garlic press and add into the egg mixture. Add half of the parsley and 1 tbsp. Wondra flour. Stir well.
3. In a separate bowl, combine the 1 cup flour and the bread crumbs, and the remaining ingredients. Mix well with a fork.
4. Put about 1/2 cup additional flour in a separate small bowl. Use this to dip each chicken piece, prior to dipping in the milk and seasonings.
5. Roll each piece of chicken around until well covered, first in plain flour, then in milk mixture, then in flour/bread crumbs mixture.
6. Gently lower the chicken pieces into the hot oil and allow to become a golden color (add the bigger pieces first..

Note: A special pressure fryer is the only type of pressure cooker that you can fry in safely. Read your manufacturer’s instructions before frying in a pressure cooker. If you don’t have your instruction manual, then prepare this chicken in a deep fryer instead.

One of the best investments following the fusing of my ankle this past May was the purchase of a Lazy Boy recliner. And what better way to maximize its use than placing it in front of a 63″ rear projection TV. So listed here are the DVD/Theater Movies I watched in 2009.

Adventureland
Alexander Nevsky
Avatar
Bedtime Stories
Beyond a Reasonable Doubt
Boy in the Striped Pajamas
Carriers
District 9
Doubt
Duplicity
Extract
Franco, the Man
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
Ghosts of Girlfriends Past
Good Dick
Hydra
Ice Age 3: Dawn of the Dinosaurs
Imagine That
Inglourious Bastards
I served the King of England
Julie & Julia
Knowing
Land of the Lost
Maiden Heist
Miss March
Monsters vs. Aliens
Next Day Air
Observe and Report
Pandemic
Paul Blart: Mall Cop
Planet
Pulgasari
Revolutionary Road
Star Trek
State of Play
Streets of Blood
Sunshine Cleaning
Taken
The Blind Side
The Brothers Bloom
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
The Day the Earth Stood Still
The International
The Last Templar
The Proposal
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Triumph of the Will
Un Pilota Ritorina
Up
Up in the Air
Valkyrie
Wanted
Year One
Yes Man

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.
8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.
12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ”In five years, will this matter?”.
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business…
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.
35. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.
46. Friends are the family that we choose for ourselves.

1. Jim wrote all the numbers from 300 to 400 on a piece of paper. How many times did he write the digit 3?

Jim wrote one hundred and twenty 3′s! He wrote one hundred 3′s in the hundreds places, ten 3′s in the tens places, and ten 3′s in the ones places.

2. I am eight letters long – “12345678″
My 1234 is an atmospheric condition.
My 34567 supports a plant.
My 4567 is to appropriate.
My 45 is a friendly thank-you.
My 678 is a name.
Q: What word am I?

M I S T A K E N

3. What is the easiest way to throw a ball, and have it stop, and completely reverse direction after traveling a short distance?

Throw the ball Straight up.

4. How would you rearrange the letters in the words “new door” to make one word? Note: There is only one correct answer.

One Word!

5. What is at the beginning of eternity, the end of time, the beginning of every end, and the end of every place?

“e”

6. A traveler comes to a fork in the road and does not know how to get to his destination. Two men are at the fork in the road. One of them always tells the truth, and the other one always lies. He may ask the men on question to find his way. What question does the man ask these men?

He asks them, “If I ask the other man which way to go, what would his answer be?” They would both answer in the same way. Whatever the answer is, go the other way. If the man you ask always tells the truth, then the other always lies. The man you ask will tell truthfully that the answer would be the wrong way. If the man you ask always lies, then the other man tells the truth. The man you ask will lie and tell you that the other man would tell you the wrong way. In both cases the answer you would receive would be the wrong way. Go the other way.

7. A boy leaves his house one summer day, and began to run through the woods to his best friend’s house which is on the other side of the woods. It should also be known that the boy reached his friend’s house. How far did the boy run into to woods?

Halfway. Because once you reach the middle, you are then running out of the woods.

8. Two girls on bicycles, 20 miles apart, began racing toward each other. The instant they started, a bee on the handle bar of one of the bikes started flying toward the other bike’s handle bar. As soon as it reached, it turned around and went to the other bike and so on until the bikes met. If each bike had a constant speed of 10 mph, and the bee was traveling 15 mph constantly, how far did the bee travel?

Each bike travels at 10 mph, so they meet at the center of the 20 mile distance in exactly 1 hour the fly travels 15 mph and so at the end of the hour, he will have gone 15 miles.

9. I dig out tiny caves, and store gold and sliver in them. I also build bridges to sliver and make crowns of gold. They are the smallest you could imagine. Sooner or later everybody needs my help yet many people are afraid to let me help them. What am I?

Dentist

10. A steer weighing 630 kilograms requires 13,500 calories a day to maintain its weight. That amount of food turns out to be proportional to its external surface. How many calories does a steer of 420 kilograms require?

Weight is proportional to linear dimension (length or girth of the steer) cubed. Surface area is proportional to linear dimension squared. Therefore, 13,500 x [ ( 420/630)1/3 ] 2 = 10,300 calories

11. A man rode into town on Friday. He stayed for three nights and then left on Friday. How come?

The man’s horse was called Friday.

12. Five pieces of coal, a carrot and a scarf are lying on the lawn. Nobody put them on the lawn but there is a perfectly logical reason why they should be there. What is it?

They were used by children who made a snowman. The snow has now melted.

In many states the highway patrol carries two gallons of Coke in the truck to remove blood from the highway after a car accident.

You can put a T-bone steak in a bowl of coke and it will be gone in two days.

To clean a toilet: Pour a can of Coca-Cola into the toilet bowl……. Let the “real thing” sit for one hour, then flush clean.

The citric acid in Coke removes stains from vitreous china.

To remove rust spots from chrome car bumpers: Rub the bumper with a crumpled-up piece of Reynolds Wrap aluminum foil dipped in Coca-Cola.

To clean corrosion from car battery terminals: Pour a can of Coca-Cola over the terminals to bubble away the corrosion.

To loosen a rusted bolt: Applying a cloth soaked in Coca-Cola to the rusted bolt for several minutes.

To bake a moist ham: Empty a can of Coca-Cola into the baking pan wrap the ham in aluminum foil, and bake. Thirty minutes before the ham is finished, remove the foil, allowing the drippings to mix with the Coke for sumptuous brown gravy.

To remove grease from clothes: Empty a can of coke into a load of greasy clothes, add detergent, and run through a regular cycle. The Coca-Cola will help loosen grease stains. It will also clean road haze from your windshield. The active ingredient in Coke is phosphoric acid. Its pH is 2.8. It will dissolve a nail in about 4 days.

To carry Coca Cola syrup (the concentrate) the commercial truck must use the hazardous material place cards reserved for Highly Corrosive materials. The distributors of Coke have been using it to clean the engines of their trucks for about 20 years!