1. Thou shalt always wear CLEAN UNDERWEAR, in case thou art in an ACCIDENT.
2. Thou shalt telleth SECRET TALES of thy youth, for verily thy parents are better off in DENIAL.
3. Thou shalt not destroy NAKED BABY PICTURES of thyself.
4. Thou shalt REMEMBER thy parents’ birthdays.
5. Thou shalt not maketh the “CUCKOO” sign no holdeth the phone away from thine ear and thinketh “BLAH, BLAH, BLAH” while thou doth converse with thy parent.
6. Thou shalt not sell thy GIFT SWEATERS in sales of RUMMAGE, nor use them as OIL RAGS in thy garage.
7. Thou shall WRITE or CALL home or DROP BY so thou mayest keep parents in the loop.
8. Thou shalt not mocketh thy relatives, calling them neither “DEADBEATS” nor “PINHEADS”.
9. Thou shalt not avoid FAMILY REUNIONS by offering such false excuses as “FISHING” or “WASHING THY CAR.”
10. On thy birthday, thou shalt CELEBRATE thyself mightily, for verily thou art a GOOD GUY who DESERVETH a DAY OFF from, yea, these many COMMANDMENTS!